Hielera de Brenda, Guatemalteca

This door focuses on Brenda's experience after crossing the Rio Grande and being held under a bridge with thousands of others, image source is a photograph she permitted while in a Laredo, Texas welcoming shelter.

Brenda, approx. late 20's, married, left 3 of 5 children behind, Guatemala

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Esta entrevista usa seudónimo elegido por "Brenda." VG: Dígame un poco de su viaje. ¿De dónde viene? BRENDA: Pues mira que vengo de Guatemala. Pues, decidimos dejar nuestro país porque ... la verdad la situación es muy dura. Guatemala, mi país, es muy bonito porque, la verdad de que si nos da para comer. Para comer si nos da. Pero este, hay muchas necesidades. Los niños se nos enferman. Yo, tengo cinco niños. Deje tres en Guatemala con mis papas. Porque tuve que migrar así de esta forma porque ya que había esa oportunidad de pasar con niños. Eh. Luche por mucho tiempo para alguien me pudiera ayudar acá en los estados unidos, para poder ayudarme, porque no se puede venir uno solo así. Entonces era de que … a largo tiempo, y con la ayuda de dios, se me abrieron puertas. Y pues, gracias a dios, llegue a México. México me dio asilo, eh, temporalmente. Mientras me estaban arreglando los papeles. Pero ya no los termine de arreglar porque dios abrió y toco corazones y una familia me apoyo y me trajo. Entonces, este, haya en México igual tenia a los cinco niños, pero ya cuando decidí viajar para acá, regrese a dejar tres en Guatemala. Y ahí pues me ayudaron. Porque viera de que en Guatemala, eh, el niño que deje, al año se me enfermo grave. Empecé a endeudarme y endeudarme y endeudarme para poder salvarlo. Y pues bendito sea dios pues el se curó. Pero ya no pude pagar. VG: ¿Que tenía? BRENDA: Viera de que a él nunca le encontraron la enfermedad. A el simplemente decían que era un virus, y que era virus, y que era un virus, y nunca me dijeron que virus. Era un virus muy raro que tenia en la sangre. Y viera de que … este, al final de cuentas era la pura misericordia de dios. La pura misericordia, pero ya venía endeuda. Luego me metí a prestamos para poder cancelar. Y esos préstamos me fueron terminando. Los intereses eran demasiados. Ya no podía pagar. Eh, los del banco me buscaban para poderles pagar y yo corría con las personas. Me decían que me prestaban, pero me cobraban muy alto el interés. Pero yo por el tal de que ya me dejaran en paz, lo hacía. Y quede mal con las pobres personas. Eh, llegue a hipotecar mi casa. Es la situación de que me hizo ver viajar. Porque allá ya no puedo pagar. ¡Trabajo no hay! Yo no lo voy a negar; trabajo solo se consigue solo para comer. Y ya para si los niños necesitan algo, o los niños se enferman, ya no hay. Vuelve una a pedir prestar. Y si uno agarra eso de que gano para comer, para las enfermedades se queda uno sin comer. Yo he trabajado en limpieza, en lo que caía para poderle dar de comer a mis hijos. Mi esposo igual, pero, ah, no. Así como se ganaba, se gastaba. Y llegamos … ya si nos queda un año para pagar la hipoteca de nuestra casa. Eso nos hizo pedirle a dios y suplicarle que nos trajera para poder cancelar. Porque debemos aproximadamente en total con lo que le debemos a las personas como $90,000, $90,000 quetzales que en dólares no se cuanto es. Entonces este, tuve que dejar a mis hijos, con el dolor de mi corazón, los deje. VG: ¿Y su esposo? BRENDA: El viene conmigo. El viene porque los dos vamos a trabajar para poder salir luego y regresar por mis hijos. Regresar por ellos. Ellos están pequeños todavía y no se puede … ¡No, no! (regaña a uno de sus niños). La mas grande tiene 13 años, la segunda tiene 10 y el tercero tiene 8. Los deje con mis papas pero ve que no es igual. No es igual a que estén con una madre. Entonces, este, dios me concedió la oportunidad, pero no fue fácil. VG: ¿Por dónde se vinieron? BRENDA: Por México. Por México. Por México nos venimos. Gracias a dios todo México lo pasamos bien. Dios fue grande con nosotros y el camino estuvo libre. Pero llegamos aquí a migración, nos estuvieron cuatro días debajo de un puente. Ahí estuvimos, ahí estuvimos, ahí estuvimos … (interrupción de otro residente buscando jabón para bañarse). Si, y viera que en el puente ahí estuvimos cuatro días. Ahí se sufre porque ahí no dan comida. VG: ¿En el puente? BRENDA: En un puente de inmigración. Al cruzar la frontera. Al cruzar el rio. VG: ¿En McAllen o en Laredo? BRENDA: No, allá en… en… no, en no McAllen. Ajá. De Reynosa cruzamos el rio y luego nos entregamos a migración de acá. Entonces ya migración nos tomó datos, nos dio pase, y del portón de su ya, de su…, de ahí nos llevaron debajo de un puenton … Ahí había como unas nueve mil a 10 mil personas. ¡Bastante! Y no estaban dando de comer. Solo agua pura. Ahí se me enfermaron. Ahí les dio demasiada fiebre, igual a mí. El sol es demasiado. Ahí no hay donde … Ahí se queda tirado uno en él, en el suelo. ¡Hay tantos! Esta el aire y ya el sol a las 8 de la mañana, el gran solon. Ahí sí que .. ahí cuatro días tardamos. Fue duro. Yo dije ya no resisto. Yo dije ya no resisto. Una tortillita para mi niño no era. Nosotros dejamos de comer para que ellos comieran. Un jugito le daban así de chiquitillo y una galletita en todo el día a cada uno de los niños. Yo dije, ya no. Señor si para esto vine, mis niños no tienen esa necesidad. Alla, aunque un platito de frijol, pero a lo menos van a comer. Pero me dio fuerzas. Luchamos con mi esposo y no perdimos las esperanzas, y al cuarto día nos sacaron. En la tarde nos sacaron. Y nos mandaron para acá. Venimos de migración. Aquí solo… Mi esposo sufrió más porque a el lo metieron a la hielera. A el lo metieron a la hielera desde las 2 de la tarde. Y salió hasta el otro día a las 10 de la mañana. Yo solo cuatro horas estuve ahí. Yo les supliqué, le dije, “No, no puedo, tienen fiebre, tienen tos.” Pero me dijeron, “Lo sentimos. Las ordenes de aquí es que se van a detener.” Pues ahí estuve con la misericordia de dios salimos bien. Ella esta enferma todavía. La diarrea no se le quita. Porque le vine dando leche, y leche. Y la leche, pues claro, la…, pues ellos tenían leche para niños de un año para abajo. Y ella tiene tres años. Esa leche pues ya no es para ella. Ellos del hambre se tomaban las mamilas llenas de leche. Y les hizo daño. Entonces esa es la situación por la que decidimos dejar a Guatemala y emigrar acá. VG: ¿Y quién los va a recibir acá? BRENDA: Una, una familia. Una familia de buen corazón. Es familiar mío, pero ya… ya lejano. La señora ya es prima, ya lejana. Pero, gracias a dios que le toco su corazón, y junto con su esposo nos van ha apoyar, o nos están apoyando. Dos familias. Una familia nos pago el buse del rio para acá. Y ellos nos pagaron el coyote de, de desde allá de México, para Reynosa. Y el cruce nos la pago otra, otra familia. Y ya los boletos los esta comprando la misma señora que nos trajo, que nos pagó el coyote. Aja, ella. Y gracias a dios, pues se han unido personas que me han llamado si necesito algo. Hoy me enviaron unos, unos dólares para comprarle de comer a mis niños. Y estoy agradecida a dios por todo, todo lo que ha hecho por mí. Eh, es dura mi historia porque yo no me crecí con mis papas. Mi mama me abandono al año y un mes. Ella se fue con otro hombre y me dejo con mi papa. Mi papa no pudo cuidarme y me regalo a mi abuela. Mi abuela me saco adelante con puros sacrificios. Y mis tías, mis tías, gracias a dios, le ayudaron, me sacaron adelante. (Interrupción de otro residente) Y… y viera de que yo crecí así. La situación (se abre una puerta y rechina) ... Y como le digo, he crecido sola, sin el apoyo de nadie. Mis hijos se enfermaron, era yo sola la que … Era, nunca tuve el apoyo de papa, de mama, “si tus hijos están malos, yo te voy ha ayudar.” ¡Nunca! Yo agarraba a mis niños, si eran dos, eran tres, pues agarraba para el hospital. De no dejaba a los chiquitos encerrados en mi casa, y una, la que estaba enferma le va al hospital … porque no había dinero para correr a un sanatorio privado. ‘Tonces ahí en el hospital, usted sabe que en el hospital lo, los atienden hasta que ellos pueden. Mucha gente. Y así. Bendito sea dios que me ha ayudado. Y pues hoy me da la oportunidad de venir ha este bendito país, y voy ha echarle ganas para poder salir adelante. Y poder pronto regresar por mis hijos; regresar por mis hijos porque yo se que ellos me necesitan. VG: Todos los niños necesitan de sus padres. ¿Y qué diría usted … con quien tenía usted más contacto por teléfono, por WhatsApp...? ¿Llamaba a sus hijos? ¿Llamaba a las personas que la iban a ayudar? BRENDA: Si, de, aja, si, sí, yo con mis hijos. Con mi sobrina porque yo a través de ella yo hablo con mis niños. Hablo con mi mama porque, al final de cuentas, a la larga, yo perdone. Yo los he perdonado. Por todo el daño que me han hecho. Hoy ellos están cuidando a mis niños, pues, bendito sea dios. Lo que ni hicieron conmigo, hoy lo están haciendo con ellos. Mis hermanos están acá en los Estados Unidos. Ellos les están mandando dinero para que ellos coman y no se enfermen. Entonces como le digo, le doy gracias a dios porque, el me ha ayudado. Mi abuela me creció en el cristianismo. Desde chiquita me enseño cual era lo bueno, y cual era lo malo. Y yo he perdonado a mis padres, tal vez no de todo porque no me han explicado porque me hicieron ese daño grande ¿verdad? Psicológicamente pues uno se trauma. Pero, gracias a dios, estoy en paz. Estoy en paz y los quiero. Los quiero porque son mis padres. Entonces yo les confíe a mis hijos. Entonces ahora tengo comunicación con … Antes no, antes no me importaban si ellos estaban bien o estaban mal. Vivíamos a 30 minutos de distancia, pero yo no iba a verlos. Yo los iba a ver, como unas 2 veces al año. Mas tenia yo con mi abuela. Porque para mi ella era mi mama. Mas era ella. Mas era ella. Ellos no. Entonces, este…. Pero … hoy no. Hoy, aunque sea por teléfono, he recapacitado que de todos modos son mis padres. Este. Les he llamado cuando me vine, pues les quería decir y pedí su bendición. Y pues, dios me ha ayudado, y ahí estoy, diciéndoles donde vengo y a donde voy. Y con la familias que me han apoyado. Que me han apoyado yo aqui estoy. Que ahorita pues, gracias a dios, me compraron los boletos. Yo mañana me voy … VG: ¿Y a dónde va? BRENDA: A Miami. A Miami. Aja. Pero, así es mi historia.

This interview uses a pseudonym chosen by "Brenda." VG: Tell me a little bit about your journey. Where are you coming from? BRENDA: Well, look I come from Guatemala. Well, we decided to leave our country because... the truth is that the situation is very hard. Guatemala, my country, is very beautiful because the truth is that it does give us enough to eat. To eat is what it can give. But, there are many more needs. Children get sick. I have five children. I left three in Guatemala with my parents. Because I had to migrate this way because there was the opportunity to cross (the border) with children. Eh. I fought for a long time so that someone could help me here in the United States, to be able to help me, because you can't just come just like that. Then it was like ... after a long time, and with God's help, doors were opened for me. And then, thank God, I made it to Mexico. Mexico gave me asylum, uh, temporarily. In the meantime, they (Mexico) were fixing my papers. But I didn't finish fixing them anymore because God opened and touched hearts and a family offered to support me and brought me here. So then, in Mexico, I had the five children, but when I decided to travel here, I went back to leave three in Guatemala. And there they helped me. Because I in Guatemala, uh, the child I left, a year later, he got seriously ill. I started going into debt and going into debt and going into debt so I could save him. And blessed be God because he was cured. But I couldn't pay anymore. VG: What did he have? BRENDA: You see, they never found what the disease he had. They just said it was a virus, and it was a virus, and it was a virus, and they never told me what virus. It was a very rare virus that he had in his blood. And see ... this, in the end, was the pure mercy of God. Pure mercy, but I was already in debt. Then I got into loans so I could cancel the other debt. And those loans were killing me. The interest owed was too much. I couldn't pay anymore. Eh, the people in the bank were looking for me so I could pay them and I would run (for help) to other people. They told me they would lend to me, but they charged me a very high interest. But to be left alone and have some peace, I would do it. And I defaulted on the poor people. Um, I got to the point of mortgaging my house. It's the reason that made me travel. Because over there I could no longer pay. There is no work! I will not deny it; work was only to have just enough to eat. And then when children need something, or children get sick, there is no more. One has to return to ask to borrow (money). And if one takes what one earned to eat for when someone gets sick, one remains without eating. I have worked in cleaning, in whatever to be able to feed my children. My husband is the same, but, ah, no. Just as we earned it, it was spent. And we got to ... we had a year left to pay the loan against our house. It made us ask God and beg Him to bring us (work) so we can pay off (the loan). Because we owe approximately, with what we owe to people, like $90,000, $90,000 quetzales; in dollars, I do not know how much it is. So, I had to leave my children, with all the pain of my heart, I left them. VG: And your husband? BRENDA: He came with me. He came because we are both going to work so we can leave later and return for my children. Go back for them. They are still small but you can't... No, no! (she scolds one of her children). The oldest is 13 years old, the second is 10 and the third is 8. I left them with my parents but, see, that it is not the same. It's not the same as being with a mother. So, uh, God granted me the opportunity, but it was not easy. VG: Where did you travel through? BRENDA: Through Mexico. Through Mexico. We came through Mexico. Thank God we traveled safely through all of Mexico. God was great with us and the roads were clear. But when we got here to immigration, we had to wait four days under a bridge. There we were, there we were, there we were... (interruption of another resident looking for soap to bathe). Yes, and see, we were on (under) that bridge for four days. There you suffer because they don't give you food. VG: At the bridge? BRENDA: On immigration's bridge. Crossing the border. Cross the river. VG: In McAllen or Laredo? BRENDA: No, over there in... in... no, in not McAllen. Yes. From Reynosa, we crossed the river, and then we turned ourselves into immigration. Then migration took our information, let us pass, and from the gate of, of..., from there they took us under a large bridge... There were about nine thousand to 10 thousand people there. A lot! And they weren't giving food. Just water. That's when they got sick. There they got a high fever, I did too. The sun was too much. There is nowhere... There you are just thrown on the ground. There are so many! There the wind and the sun are blasting at 8 in the morning, the intense sun. There .. there we stayed four days. It was hard. I said I won't last anymore. I said I can't last anymore. Not even a little tortilla for my child. We stopped eating so they could eat. A little juice box and a little cookie was given to each of the children per day. I said I can't take more. Lord if this is what I came for, my children do not need it. Over there, although it is a plate of beans, but at least they will eat. But I found strength. I fought along with my husband and didn't lose hope, and on the fourth day, we were taken out. In the afternoon they took us out. And they sent us here. We come from immigration. Only here... My husband suffered more because he was put in the "hielera" (detention center). He was put in the "hielera" from 2 in the afternoon. And he went out until the next day at 10 in the morning. I was only there for four hours. I begged them, I said, "No, I can't, they have a fever, they have a cough." But they said, "We're sorry. The orders here are that you will be detained." Well, there I was, with the mercy of God we came out okay. She is still sick. The diarrhea is not gone. Because I ended up giving her milk, and more milk. And the milk, the ..., well they had milk for infants. And she's three years old. That milk is not for her. They drank the baby bottles out of hunger. And it made them sick. So that's the story of why we decided to leave Guatemala and emigrate here. VG: Who is going to sponsor you here? BRENDA: A, a family. A good-hearted family. It's a distant relative of mine. The woman is a cousin, very distant. But, thank God He touched her heart, and together with her husband they will support us, or they are supporting us. Two families. A family paid for the bus from the river to here. And they paid the "coyote" (smuggler) from Mexico (southern border) to Reynosa. And the crossing was paid by another family. And the tickets are already being bought by the same woman who brought us, who paid the "coyote." Yes, her. And thank God, people have united and had called me to ask if I need anything. Today they sent me a few dollars to buy my children food. And I'm grateful to God for everything, everything He's done for me. Uh, my story is hard because I didn't grow up with parents. My mother abandoned me when I was a year and a month old. She left with another man and left me with my dad. My dad couldn't take care of me and gave me to my grandmother. My grandmother helped get me through with a lot of sacrifices. And my aunts, my aunts, thank God, they helped her and got me through. (Interruption of another resident) And... and this is how I grew up. The situation (a door opens and squeaks)... And as I saying, I have grown up alone, without the support of anyone. When my children got sick, it was me alone who ... I never had the support of a dad, of a mom, "if your children are sick, I'll help you." Never! I would grab my children, if there were two, or three, I would just head for the hospital. I didn't leave the little ones locked in the house, and one, the one who was sick would get to the hospital ... because there was no money to run to a private doctor. Then there in the hospital, you know at a hospital, they take care of all that they can. A lot of people. Blessed be God who has helped me. And today He gives me the opportunity to come to this blessed country, and I'm going to give it my all to succeed. And to soon be able to return for my children; to go back for my children because I know they need me. VG: All children need their parents. And what would you say... with whom did you have more contact by phone, by WhatsApp...? Did you call your children? Did you call the people who were going to help you? BRENDA: Yes, yes, with my children. With my niece because I would talk to my children through her. I talked to my mom because, in the end, in the long run, I forgave. I forgave them. For all the damage they did to me. Today they are taking care of my children, well, blessed be God. What they didn't do with me, today they are doing with them. My brothers are here in the United States. They are sending them money so that they eat and not get sick. So as I say, I thank God that he has helped me. My grandmother grew up in Christianity. Since I was little, she taught me what was good, and what was bad. And I've forgiven my parents, maybe not everything because they haven't explained to me why they gravely hurt me, right? Psychologically, one is traumatized. But, thank God, I am at peace. I am at peace and I love them. I love them because they are my parents. So I trust them with my children. So now I have communication with ... Not before, I didn't care before if they were okay or not. We lived 30 minutes away, but I didn't go see them. I would go see them about 2 times a year. I was better off with my grandmother. Because for me she was my mom. It was more her. It was her. Not them. So... But... Not now. Today, even if it is by phone, I have reconsidered, regardless, they are my parents. Well. I called them when I left, I wanted to tell them and ask for their blessing. And so God has helped me, and here I am, telling them where I'm coming and where I'm going. And with the families that have supported me. That supported me, here I am. That right now, thank God, they bought me the tickets. I leave tomorrow... VG: And where are you going? BRENDA: To Miami. To Miami. Yes. Well, that's my story.

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